Fear, schmear
Until recently, I’ve been one of those people that Seinfeld joked about in the ‘90s – someone who was more terrified of public speaking than they were of death. I was among the vast number of those who, at any funeral, would prefer to be in the casket to giving the eulogy.
Truly. That was me. Until I decided enough was enough.
And now… I wonder how I let anything have that kind of hold on me for so long. The opportunities missed, the effort expended to stay comfortable, the dreams sidelined… all due to fear.
Any of this sound familiar? Is there something you consistently avoid or refuse to consider doing? Anything that feels off-limits because you can’t or you’re convinced you’re just not that person (though secretly you’d like to be)?
If not, or you’re content to live from your own cozy place of limitations, feel free to use your reading time elsewhere. If so, and you’d like to explore the possibility of getting unstuck, read on…
Ten Tested Tips For Facing Fear - Part 1
Tip #1: Change Your Mind As you think, so shall you become. Bruce Lee
It’s all -- okay it’s mainly -- about mindset.
We often create our own reality by the way we think. We sabotage ourselves with self-talk that says we’re not capable enough, smart enough, confident enough, the list goes on… And then, guess what? We live into that and prove ourselves right.
The beautiful thing I’ve discovered is, this phenomenon can also work in reverse. Our minds can play a part in creating the reality we desire, too! Here’s how to flip the script:
Decide. What, specifically, are you dedicating your time, effort and energy to changing right now? What does success look like? State it. Write it. Post it. Dwell on it.
Notice, truly pay attention to the running dialog in your head and the words you speak to others in the area of fear. I often caught myself saying “I am not a public speaker!” “I’m terrible in front of a crowd!”
Commit to STOP speaking the negative (especially silently and internally). I once heard the advice never to speak about yourself in a way you wouldn’t speak about your best friend. Oh, if only we treated ourselves that well! Shut those negatives down as quickly as possible.
Replace negative with positive. Nature abhors a vacuum, right? Don’t leave space for more negative to creep back in. Fill it with positive. Create a list of affirmations and declare them at least two times a day. Craft them from the encouraging words of close friends and family, from God’s heart for you and from the reality you want to experience. Speak, write, read, record and listen to them -- really ingrain them in your brain. Say them until you believe them. And then keep saying them.
Heads up: Expect affirmations to feel silly and false at first. You’re speaking the truth as you desire it to be and as you’re committing to live into, not as you currently live it.
Examples: Replace “This is terrifying! What have I gotten myself into?!” with “I’m excited for this opportunity to grow!”
Reflect. Look back on previous efforts in the same vein and appreciate both the successes and failures that have brought you to this moment. New challenges are rarely entirely new. Chances are, you’ve been doing pieces and parts of this thing you’re terrified of for quite a while, practicing and learning, and you’re more prepared than you realize.
Tip #2: Tell a friend, or 20 Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen. Brené Brown
I know what you’re thinking: Why in the world would I share with anyone that I’ve jumped in way over my head, and committed to face my biggest fear?! Here’s why:
Power. Keeping fear inside allows your mind to grow it into an outsized monster. Alternatively, speaking your fear robs it of power. Say it out loud: “I’m terrified to even think about _____.” Then say what you’re going to do so you don’t have to live in fear any longer: “I’m going to face this thing and conquer it by _______.” Ah, the power has now been transferred away from the fear and onto your capable self instead!
Accountability. When you share big news, people tend to follow up. You’re really cementing your commitment to overcome because at some point it becomes more embarrassing to try to weasel out of the scary thing than to just go ahead with it already.
Encouragement. 10 times out of 10, the people I told – even if they didn’t relate to my fear or thought it was silly – responded with support and encouragement. That, in turn, caused me to tell more people, who said more things that reinforced those affirmations I’d been declaring. Facing fear is a respectable endeavor – you’ll respect yourself for your courage to try and others will, too. It’s a two-fer!
Tips 3 & 4 will be winging their way to you soon, but let’s start here for now. Did you catch that little freebie tip I oh-so-subtly incorporated? If not, here it is spelled out: Avoid overwhelm by taking the process slowly, just one or two steps at a time.
I invite you to join me as I continue to put these tips into play, testing them out in the latest area of fear and uncertainty, and to share your thoughts by commenting below.
What fear are you committed to overcoming? What are some of the lies you’ve believed that have kept you stuck? How have you been successful in changing your thoughts about yourself? Is it ever best to keep your goals and efforts to change private?
